I don’t even know why I’m writing this blog, something I just feel I need to write down.
My mum was much more than a mum, she was my best friend.
Then as the 8 weeks approached, we thought, the doctors have got it wrong !!!!
She still going about, just a little slower but on her feet.
On 10th March I got a phone call from her carer, mum had gotten a little fright as she woke up and couldn’t breath properly. I immediately went along, mum was ok by then but said she didn’t know why but felt a little scared… I stayed with her then and for the next few nights.
Even tho she was still going about, I don’t know why but I knew she was about to pass.
On 12th March, we sat and had a hot chocolate together and my mum’s fly cig lol.
She was asking me strange questions like, Am I financially ok and to stay close to my brother and sisters.
She said she felt scared again and me being me had a joke with her saying she’s not about to leave me (remember she never knew she was terminal), she said to me ….I am Sharon, I didn’t question her as now I know I knew she was about to pass also.
I put her to bed and told her I will only be 5 minutes as was letting hubby out security door.
When I came back in mum seemed sound asleep so I went into bathroom to get washed and put my pj’s on, at that moment I heard a funny noise, like a long snore, I smiled to myself thinking she’s sound asleep, then I heard it again… I knew this time what it was,
My beautiful mum had gone to be with my Dad, she waited until I was beside her to pass, that I feel honoured for, we were very very close.
I sat for ages not going for anyone, thinking maybe I’m wrong, maybe shes asleep.
Eventually,, I got someone to check on her, she had gone.
I had to then call my brother and sisters with the news.
Why am I telling you all this? I have no idea. I suppose it’s helping me talking about it and I want the world to know how special she was to me…
Grief is a horrible thing to go through and there is no time you can put on it to heal.
Sometimes I wake up thinking iv just had a nightmare and my mums ok, other times I pick up the phone to call her.
It’s an unbearable pain.
Grief can be confusing, sometimes frightening emotion, especially if they haven’t experienced a similar loss themselves. We have to remember that because unless you have lost a parent you can’t comprehend how I’m feeling.
Family, friends may feel unsure about how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things. But don’t use that as an excuse to retreat into your shell and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved one reaches out to you, it’s because they care.
This is what I remember myself on a daily basis.
My mum was my world, I have comfort knowing shes with my dad.
I’m keeping going because she was a strong lady and I’m determined to be a strong lady in her memory.
I will make her proud and when my time comes, I will leave a legacy…
I was once her angel, now she is mine…
Love you so much mum and we will meet again, that’s what I hold on to.
Ps- thanks everyone for reading, writing all this down has made me feel better.